Sweet 16

The year I was finally old enough to drive, what did my cheap mother get me? If you guessed a car, you are clearly reading the wrong blog. No, my cheap mother bought me a bicycle. You may think I'm just a hater, and you would really like to receive a bicycle for your birthday, what's wrong with me? There are several reasons this was a bullshit gift. First, I had been without a bicycle for several years as mine was stolen when I was 11 or 12 years old, so my cheap mother had several opportunities to surprise me with a bicycle that would have been greatly appreciated. She didn't, and I was the only kid I knew without a bicycle. Second, this was the equivalent of giving me a "lovingly made from the computer of your cheap mother" birthday card that said, "Give up any dreams you have of driving, because I am not giving you a car nor letting you drive mine." Incidentally, to my knowledge, she has only let me drive her car once in the past 12 years, so that was true. Also, she obviously was not clever enough to make that card, because that would have been a much cheaper way to let me know I wasn't going to drive anytime soon, and it would have saved her from later explaining that I should not expect a car, access to anyone's (her) car, insurance, or gas money. Oh, and since I had a bicycle, she was no longer going to give me rides.

I showed my appreciation for this particular gift by riding it once down the block with a scowl on my face, and putting the bicycle up to collect dust for the next 7 years. I did eventually ride it when I took it to graduate school, but it was so shitty (referring to both the bike and the gesture) that it was painful to ride, and I ended up giving it to the thrift store. Maybe someone's cheap mother will spot that gem and repeat the cycle. I'll bet that kid hates his/her parents, too.