The Plastic Spoon

My cheap mother is a champion pack-rat. She saves absolutely everything that could possibly ever be of value, and lots of stuff that could not possibly ever be of any value. Much of her Tupperware says "Cool Whip" on it, and one shouldn't be surprised to see her drinking out of an old jelly or pickle jar. Nothing wrong with that, I guess. Waste not, want not, as they say. But my cheap mother can take this mantra a little too far.

One time I was emptying the dishwasher and found that my mother had run a plastic spoon through the cycle. Not, you know, a reusable spoon made of plastic, just your standard-issue plastic party spoon that you throw away. I would have thought that those things melt down to nothing when they go through an entire dishwasher cycle, but apparently they can survive.

In disbelief, I threw the spoon in question away. Later in the evening, she dug it out of the trash and asked, "Who threw away the spoon?" She's probably still using it.

Vases

I don't think my cheap mother owns a vase. I think this because when I was a little kid, sometimes I would find flowers when I was playing outside, and like little girls do, I'd pick them and give them to my mother. Then, like cheap mothers do, she'd put them in an old jelly jar, or in a plastic cup like the kind a bank or insurance company might give you for free, or sometimes in a soda can. (Coincidentally, I remember drinking water or milk out of all three items growing up. My cheap mother didn't break down and buy real drinking glasses until I was in high school or so.)

You could probably sell a couple of daffodils in a soda can as art somewhere. But probably only if it was a Coke can, not a Diet Bubba can.